What if I was able to give you the secret to a happy and purposeful life?
Despite of what we experience in our own life and how we feel when we come together, a group of Harvard researchers conducted a research – Harvard Grant study – over the course of many decades, following the lives of real people (268 males Harvard undergraduates from the classes of 1938 – 1940) over 75 years from childhood until old age in order to see how they changed and what they have learned over the course of their lives. At the centre of their research was one of life’s fundamental questions:
Luckily, the provides scientific evidence to what the heart already knows. The five lessons from the Grant Study that you may want to apply to your own pursuit of a happier and more meaningful life are:
It may seem obvious, but that doesn’t make it any less true: Love is key to a happy and fulfilling life. There are two pillars to happiness: One is love and the other is removing all the layers and finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.
The study’s most important finding is that the only thing that matters in life is relationships. A man could have a successful career, money and good physical health, but without supportive, loving relationships, he wouldn’t be happy (“Happiness is only the cart; love is the horse.”).
The Grant Study’s findings echoed those of other studies — that acquiring more money and power doesn’t correlate to greater happiness. That’s not to say money or traditional career success don’t matter. But they’re small parts of a much larger picture — and while they may loom large for us in the moment, they diminish in importance when viewed in the context of a full life.
In terms of achievement, the only thing that matters is that you be content at your work.
A man named Godfrey Minot Camille went into the Grant study with fairly bleak prospects for life satisfaction: He had the lowest rating for future stability of all the subjects and he had previously attempted suicide. But at the end of his life, he was one of the happiest. Why? Because he spent his life searching for love.
Joy is connection and the the more areas in your life you can make connection, the better. The study found strong relationships to be far and away the strongest predictor of life satisfaction. And in terms of career satisfaction, too, feeling connected to one’s work was far more important than making money or achieving traditional success.
The conclusion of the study, not in a medical but in a psychological sense, is that connection is the whole shooting match. As life goes on, connections become even more important. The Grant Study provides strong support for the growing body of research that has linked social ties with longevity, lower stress levels and improved overall well-being.
The journey from immaturity to maturity is a sort of movement from narcissism to connection, and a big part of this shift has to do with the way we deal with challenges.
Coping mechanisms — “the capacity to make gold out of shit” — have a significant effect on social support and overall well-being. The secret is replacing narcissism, a single-minded focus on one’s own emotional oscillations and perceived problems with mature coping defences.
Creative expression is another way to productively deal with challenges and achieve meaning and well-being.
See my workshop and retreat offerings if you would like to invite a little more connection into your life or find me in one of my classes on Sydney’s Northern Beaches.
Source: Path Retreats
